I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
