We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
