When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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