is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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