It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
