dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
