Me. At least after what I've been through.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
