I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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