i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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