I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
