FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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