??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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