how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
