just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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