i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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