I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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