laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
