the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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