He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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