I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize