Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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