I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
