i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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