I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
