I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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