Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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