textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Girls should come with a carfax report
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
How many fucks given?
0.12846
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
