I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
