***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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