My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Holy shit dude........stairs
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
