make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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