If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He did a backflip because drugs
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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