You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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