Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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