Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
