why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
not ubering you a puppy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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