Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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