I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
