love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
