I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
