Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
