So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were destined to go to rehab together
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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