he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
do herpes really smell.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
