I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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