How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize