The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
