just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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