last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize