Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
