Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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