Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
