I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
