How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
