Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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