Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
