I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
