what if every blade of grass was a penis?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
