there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What drink are we having for lunch?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
