i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
