I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
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You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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