bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
