2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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