i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
