woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
