a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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