she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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