Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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