But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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