Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
