We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
