I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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