he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
