garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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