Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sext me about skeletons
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
