That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
