My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
