What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
