Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
